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http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/gays-anatomy/200810/50-first-marriages-having-gay-old-time
50 First Marriages Having a Gay Old Time!
50 First Marriages: One gay Person, One gay Partner
Massachusetts is now the third state to allow gaymarriage. I never thought I would ever see something like this in my lifetime.In 2004, my partner Mike and I decided to vacation in Provincetown and tie the legal knot after 11 years together.This wasn't our first marriage, however. And there were no divorces in between-we were never married to anyone else.
And the other 49 marriages we intend to have will be the same: one state at a time.
This statement sounds like either a riddle or a paragraph from the life of Elizabeth Taylor or Zsa Zsa Gabor.
The truth is, we were religiously wed under Reform Judaism in the fall of 2000. Our family and friends joined us, and for us it was a romantic, emotional, affectionate and spiritual day.
However, it was not legal.
Under Reform Judaism, all we had to do was agree to raise our dog Jewish and we assured the rabbi she would have a "Bark Mitzvah." For us though, this marriage was political. We wanted to be a part of the process of legalizing marriage for gays by participating as it unfolds. As in the movie, 50 First Dates, we're intending to hold 49 more first marriages.We knew that the minute we returned hom, our license would be nullified within Michigan. You see, if straight people marry in one state there are laws in place to recognize it within other states. That ours would not be was upsetting but we wanted to go through the process of marriage anyway to formally and spiritually commit to one another.
I thought about two books I've read, Why You Should Give A Damn About Gay Marriage by Davina Kotulaski and Gay Marriage by John Rauch. Both speak about how we, as gays and lesbians, are forbidden from joining the adult fraternity of married couples. I resent that to no end, and resented it even more after reading it in the books. I particularly like the way Rauch puts it:
Marriage confers status: to be married, in the eyes of society, is to be grown up. Marriage creates stakes: someone depends on you. Marriage creates a safe harbor for sex. Marriage put two heads together, pooling experience and braking impulsiveness...We all need domesticating, not in the veterinary sense but in a more literal, human sense: We need a home. We are different people when we have a home: more stable, more productive, more mature, less self-obsessed, less impatient, and less anxious.
He points out that even if you're not married, the sheer prospect of marriage is a great domesticator. "If you hope to get married," he writes, "and if your friends and peers hope to get married, you will socialize and date more carefully...you make yourself marriage material." I am 41 years old, and have been an adult for long enough that I deserve to be treated like one.
When Mike and I turned in the paperwork for our marriage license, pride and honor overwhelmed me. We fell in love with each other all over again. Just as when we married religiously before, now doing it again legally brings back the romantic times of our early experience together.
We're making up gay etiquette as we go along!We were so excited about this remarriage turning into an emotional and romantic one again, that we decided to buy more rings! Yes, gay men and jewelry jokes aside, we decided that our initial bands had been engagement rings. Now, our diamond rings from our religious ceremony would become our formal religious rings and our new rings would be our legal rings.
Entering the jewelry store where we found what we wanted, we discovered that newspapers around Massachusetts had nicknamed this store "the Gay Tiffany's." A couple who had been together for 52 years had bought their rings here, and appeared on "Good Morning America," as did these jewelers who sold them the rings. The jewelers showed us the couple's photo and pictures of others who bought rings from their store and married in P-town. I actually started crying as I looked at the picture of these two men who waited 52 years to make it legal! Then when they took our picture, I was filled with pride and honor.
We found a minister who married us. And there we were, legally married. For the remaining days of our trip, we were legal kin!
Marriage is a way to re-romanticize your relationship!
Getting married was a politically and romantically joyous experience. I cannot wait for our next 49 chances!
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